Thursday, April 16, 2009

Under the Ponderous and Watchful Eye of the Universe

A sweet envelope encases me, a new, fond perspective on all of the universe's gifts. I will be no longer bothered to oscillate between the good and the bad, the triumphs and the tragedies. I will no longer see the world surrounding me as a perpetual series of games and events with which to grapple and struggle with. I will no longer thrive on self-satisfaction, or temporary boons to my bloated ego, or compliments, affections, and delighted caressing.

I think, this morning, I figured out how to stand above the duality of pain versus pleasure, of happy versus sad, of intimacy versus lonesomeness, of companionship versus abandonment. I am beginning to know that I am here to accept the gifts the universe hands me, and to learn from the fleeting agonies, with the sole purpose of prospering as a rejoicing being who was shuttled back into this time/space continuum once again.

For "all existence is pure joy, the sorrows are but as shadows, but there is that which remains." Existence itself, and the way I now know I must interact with it, is not dependent upon whether or not my infantile self sings its praise, but that it is I myself who is dependent upon whether or not I sing its praise and rejoice in it. I have been handed the gift of life, and I can freak out over it and whether or not I like it, or I can lie down in the light and grin.

I am laying down in the light and grinning, although I accept any and all things that may come. I only wish to be a vessel which is as open as possible for the life that the Lord may pour into it. I do not wish for attachments, or security, not health, wealth, family, or friends, but to allow for that golden spark which comes and peeks out every once in a while, that "bluebird in my heart," to continue thriving and growing and chirping ever louder.

A moment of bliss goes a long way. An unexpected epiphany establishes empires in the soul. No one can give you that realization which throws you back into a state of total awareness...you earn it. My problem was always looking for it in other people.

I have not resentment towards anyone. Even my biggest enemies have my blessing now. I do not want to tread this earth with antagonisms, or with debasing attachments to others.

Into the arms of the Savior within may I instead tread, ever towards that whose name I do not yet know, but whose face I have once again glimpsed, and have found myself rejoicing.

It is within, not without. What a nice fucking thing to finally grasp.

For all we have here is rejoicing.

And, brothers and sisters of the light, who are my fellow beams of that primordial light, may we indeed rejoice.

By the way, I'm making margaritas this weekend at Hyundae beach. Come and enjoy yourselves.

Happy trails, and all the Love...

1 comment:

  1. "Today I woke from a sound sleep with curses on my lips, with gibberish on my tongue, repeating to myself like a litany--'Fay ce que vouldras! ... fay ce que vouldras!' Do anything, but let it produce joy. Do anything, but let it yield ecstasy. So much crowds into my head when I say this to myself..." --Henry Miller, Tropic of Capricorn

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